


It's Okay. You're Not Ready

by UsatiumEdgitZouskdye



Series: Virgin Phil [13]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comfort, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Sexual Assault, Shock & Awe, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:59:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6181225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UsatiumEdgitZouskdye/pseuds/UsatiumEdgitZouskdye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil has a simple undercover mission to go on. But there's a bit of a problem that leaves Phil a little shell-shocked. Clint comforts him, but then Phil suggests something. Something Clint will not allow</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Okay. You're Not Ready

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I like this one very much

Clint poured Phil's coffee into his traveler mug, and took the rest of the pot back to the bedroom, drinking from it. Phil was getting dressed when he looked over his shoulder at Clint. He opened his mouth but Clint cut him off.

"I know. I'm not supposed to drink straight from the pot. But. Too late."

Phil sighed, and finished tying his tie and pulled on his jacket.

"So what's this mission again?"

"Undercover op." Phil stepped into Clint's space and wrapped his arms around the archers neck. Clint's hands settled on his waist. "Same old same old. I match the target's type. Seduce, knock out, find information. Leave."

"Fury couldn't get anyone else? He knows that you've never-"

"Yes he knows. But he's gone through everyone else who matches the target's type. And they've all failed. It's up to me now. Don't worry, remember there's a reason I've done uncover missions like this and still come out a virgin."

"Because you're just that damn good."

"Exactly." Phil pressed a quick kiss to Clint's lips. "Come on. I have to get going."

"I'll grab your coffee for you."

"Thank you."

Clint grabbed Phil's coffee and followed him out to the car. "It's good to stay away from The Tower sometimes."

"It is. Are you really going to drop me off in sweats, a tank top, and no shoes?"

"Yeah. Show everybody that this is who the impeccable Phil Coulson has chosen."

Phil smiled and took a drink of coffee. "More like you chose me."

Clint grinned at Phil, and Phil laughed at the dopey smile. The rest of the drive was quiet. Clint kept his arm around Phil and stopped when they reached the plane. He sighed and ran his hands down Phil's arms, back up to cradle his neck. Stroking his thumbs just under Phil's ears. Phil gripped one of Clint's wrists and stared into his eyes. Clint smiled. "Don't have too much fun with that other man. Hopefully you don't have to use any of your new skills I taught you."

"I've never needed them when I didn't have them. I won't need them now."

Clint kissed Phil slowly, like he was trying to make the impression of the kiss last. "That should get you through the rest of the day. See you tonight."

"I'll let you know when I'm on my way back or if I have to stay longer." Phil gave Clint one more kiss and stepped away to leave. Clint watched him go. It wasn't like this was Phil's first undercover mission like this since they got together, but Clint still didn't like it. He trusted Phil's ability to get the mission done without having to do anything sexual, but things happen.

You could have one guy that decides to be just a bit too forceful, and. Clint took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. Phil was going to be fine, he can handle himself. So Clint got in the car, and drove to The Tower to shoot for a while and just hang out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The mission was going perfectly fine. Phil had got the target's attention, and distracted him to drug his drink. Just something simple that would knock him out, make him forget what happened. He'd think he just passed out drunk.

They were headed to the target's place now. All Phil had to do was stall him long enough for the drug to kick in, get the information needed, and leave.

But sometimes things don't go completely as planned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clint had gone back to he and Phil's apartment and was laying in bed when he got a text from Phil.

'Headed back now. Apartment or tower?'

'Apartment.'

'Okay.'

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Phil texted him the same way he always does after a mission, he seemed fine.

Not everything is as it seems.

When Phil got home he slowly closed the door. The quiet click sounded louder to him than it really was. The click was audible, but easy to miss if not paying attention. And yet. It echoed inside his head. Over and over.

He pressed his back to the door and slid down till he was sitting. It was then that he let out a shuddering breath.

Clint knew Phil was home. Didn't hear the door, but he knew Phil was inside. So he went out to check on him. And what does he see?

Phil Coulson. Sitting on the ground in front of the door. Pale. A sickening grey like color, like all the blood had drained from him. He was staring off into space, blankly looking, but not seeing a thing. He looked, shocked, haunted. Blue eyes dull and void of life. Just like his skin. His breathing was especially deep, deliberately so, but it also looked involuntary. Like that's genuinely how Phil breathed.

But Clint knew Phil only breathed like that when he was either scared, hurt, or shocked to the very core. The only way to tell was if. There it was. Clint stared harder at Phil's eyes and watched as they glazed over. And he knew then. He knew that something happened on that mission to rock Phil's foundation.

So he slowly stepped forward, not wanting to do anything sudden to startle Phil. When he was a couple feet in front of Phil, the pale man looked up at him. He looked, like the loving dead. He was here, but he wasn't alive. Clint locked their eyes together and slowly got on his knelt down. Phil's eyes following the entire way down. Mouth open slightly.

Clint stared for a while. Trying to see if it was safe to touch. When Phil closed his mouth and swallowed, Clint gently cupped his cheek. And Phil let out a shuddering breath and dropped his head forward. Clint clicked his tongue and hugged Phil. "You don't have to tell me what-"

"He tried to have sex with me." There's was zero emotion in Phil's voice when he said that.

And Clint was immediately infuriated. Yes, that was to be expected on missions like this, but the fact that Phil was so broken up about it. He couldn't stop the growl in his voice. "What?"

"He. The drug didn't take fast enough. He forced himself onto me. There was no rational part of his mind that I could talk to, to try and stall him. He started touching me everywhere. Anything I could've done to stop him would have left a mark and I was given explicit instructions not to do so. He touched me. My. Both places."

"Phil. He didn't actually-"

"No, no. He didn't, get in. I wouldn't let him go that far, I got his hand away from there and backed up against a wall. I couldn't push him. He was holding my throat. He would've chocked me if I pushed him. And that would've made me fight back. Not supposed to leave marks. Tried to make me hard and I. Clint." Phil shook his head.

Clint knew what Phil meant. "Shh. It's not your fault. Stimulation is stimulation."

"But I was disgusted. I swear I didn't get hard Clint. I just."

"Twitched a little?"

"...Yes."

"Phil. You were dealing with a forceful drunk guy and you couldn't fight back because you were following orders. You were following orders. I get it. You've never had someone do anything like that to you except me. You've never had to do this on a mission before. Of course your shocked. I still love you with all my heart."

"I know I know. It's just. I have to get used to the fact that I'm going to have to do this on missions like this sometimes."

"It's gonna be hard. I know. But just know that I will never think less of you. At all. Ever. Did he really touch you, touch you?"

"Outside my pants. But inside my pants when he touched my ass. Not inside my underwear though. He was too drunk to realize my underwear was in the way and he just kept. You know."

"Yeah. Kept going at it even though he wasn't really going at anything. So I'm still the only person to ever kiss you, and touch you."

"Yes. But-"

"I know Phil. Even though he didn't get any skin, he still touched you. You've never had anyone touch you but me. If I were there. There would've been marks. Come on. Shower. Bed." Clint helped Phil stand and walked him to the bedroom. He helped Phil undress, then followed him to the bathroom, into the show. "Don't worry. Underwear on."

Phil nodded, turning to press his face into Clint's neck. "This has never happened to me before. I'm not used to this yet. Even when you touch me sometimes I still freak out a little."

Clint hugged Phil, cradling the back of his head. "I know Phil. I know. It's okay. You've just got a get used to it. I'll help you."

"I know you will. Thank you."

"No problem. I already showered. I just don't want to leave you alone."

"I don't want you to leave me alone."

Clint scrubbed Phil's hair for him and left when he was done to grab a towel, and some underwear. Phil could pick his own clothes. When Phil stepped out, Clint wrapped him in the towel. "I'll be on the couch."

Phil nodded and finished drying off. He pulled on his underwear and made a beeline for Clint's clothes. Clothes rustled till Phil found what he was looking for. A soft, worn shirt that was even baggy on Clint. That, with a pair of his own sweats, and Phil was good to go.

He found Clint laying face up on the couch, watching TV. So he slipped between Clint's side and the back of the couch, sighing when Clint pulled a blanket over them. They were silent. Phil drawing little patterns on Clint's chest, and Clint gently playing with Phil's hair. Phil was thinking about something, but Clint didn't know that until Phil finally said something.

"I'm ready."

It was a little too quiet for Clint to hear. "What was that?"

"I said I'm ready. To have sex, well. I want to now. I'm ready."

Clint's hand froze in Phil's hair. He thought, and thought. For a little while. Before starting to play with Phil's hair again and letting out a solid. "No."

"No?"

"No."

"What do you mean, no? I'm ready. I want to do this."

"No, Phil. You're not ready. You think having sex is going to fix everything. You're thinking it'll make all your worries go away and that everything will be fine if we do it. You know about sex being a quick fix. And that's what you're looking for. A quick fix. But I refuse to let you. Turn into what I used to be. Someone who abuses sex and uses it like it's some kind of drug to deal with emotions. And even of i did just read that whole thing wrong and you actually are ready. This is not how your first time should be. Not a spur of the moment thing that was brought on by someone, basically molesting you. If you really are ready. That's great. But not now. Not after what just happened today. You are not ready, Phil. You're just not."

Phil took a minute to let all of Clint's words sink in. Clint was right. He was thinking about how people talked about having sex after something emotional happens, and it making all the problems go away. He was thinking about his current issue. How it related to never having had sex before. How if he did have sex he wouldn't be so worried about it anymore. But in reality. Thinking about actually having sex after what Clint just explained to him. He was right. He wasn't ready. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay Phil. I've told you lots of times that I don't care if you don't ever want to have sex. It's not something that I can't be with you without. I don't need sex to love you."

"And you'll tell me everyday until my decision is clear."

"Now you're thinking. Using that beautiful mind of yours. Don't rush this, think about it first. You know you have a problem when Clint Barton is telling you you need to think."

"I'm not ready. And that's okay. I have nothing to be afraid about."

"It's okay. Everything. Is okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments appreciated


End file.
